I have a small circle of friends and the friends I have, are strangely categorized.
I have my best friends, my distance best friends, my groupme family friends and then my we live in the same area and attend a lot of the same events friends.
Everyone else are acquaintances.
I tend to struggle with the loner and introverted lifestyle. At times, I can be very introverted and will stay indoors or do a lot of things by myself. Reason being, I find myself being invited to outings after the fact. As in being an after thought is what I tend to refer it to. “Oh, we went to XYZ. I should have invited you!” or “We went to ABC, I didn’t think you would be interested”. Then I come across the situations of “Hey, you wanna come to TUV with me?” and I end up being miserable and stuff due to carpooling because I get alienated or end up alone.
With my anxiety, I have gone to learn to do things, more things, by myself. The biggest one I did that took a lot of talking into, was seeing Rihanna in concert a few months ago. With that, when I get invited to select events to support someone and I end up alone where I don’t know anyone and don’t want to deal with small talk, my anxiety kicks in and I realize I’m here for someone’s convenience.
It gets very annoying and frustrating. It makes you question who actually are your friends and who actually care about your happiness. If you invite me somewhere and I just end up sitting in the corner pretending to be absorbed in my phone, I’m miserable, bored out my mind and contemplating leaving.
The biggest struggle of them all is being an after thought. Reason being, a great deal of us attempt to assume things about one another. That is why I believe being up front is the way to live ( that is another blog topic for another day). I try my hardest to not assume whether or not a friend would be interested in an event or anything about them period. For example, my best friends don’t attend too many Greek related events. If its something small, like a program or something that isn’t too focused around the organization, they will attend to be supportive. Something major where its nothing but Greeks I know they wouldn’t attend.
I make an effort to say, oh I’m going to EFG and this is what is happening if any of that interests you. This way, he or she has an open invitation to come with or meet me there instead of feeling some type of way when I post images or videos on snap or later discuss it.
Recently this year, I have found myself being after thoughts. “Why didn’t you come to dinner with us?” or We are going XYZ on _____ date. Didn’t think to invite you”.
I guess it makes a person feel validated in saying stuff like that after the fact. Makes he or she feel like the thought of not initially inviting someone makes them feel better when it is later mentioned when you cross paths.
Personally, its annoying and complete BS. It doesn’t make me feel any better I was an after thought and should have been somewhere and never got an initial invitation. I don’t go where I’m not invited or not wanted. So don’t sit there and make yourself feel better by saying I should have this or Didn’t think to that. Just say I went ABC and share the story. Don’t have to add that I should have been there. It makes me automatically ignore what you have to say and have selective hearing.
Basically, if you don’t know someone well enough, don’t assume what he or she would like to do or not and don’t make them an after thought to validate your feelings.